Pride
It’s Pride Month and I need five tattoos pronto. A little ankle tattoo, like my cool lesbian older cousin, Tamara has: a snoopy kicking a soccer ball. Or a corgi in a cowboy hat on my forearm. The number 5 on the side of my right wrist. A small succulent on my other arm. Something to signify lyme disease— a lyme? Too cheesy? Don’t get tattoos in the summer— you can’t swim or expose it to direct sunlight, my friends carefully advise. Ugh. How will The People know I’m gay? This is very important to me. However, no one has asked if I have a boyfriend since I’ve moved. That seemed to happen mostly in ride shares in DC. Where’s your husband? Boyfriend? Oh wouldn’t you like to know. Jobs and boyfriends: that’s all the men want to know. In the Bay Area, I don’t even know what people are wondering: the last great hike you’ve hiked, how foggy it is today; people just seem happy to be here. I’m happy to be here!
look at all those queers!!
I hope everyone had a wonderful month and fun time celebrating however that may look like! My favorite part was hanging at Mission Dolores Park in San Francisco surrounded by hundreds (thousands?) of queers all weekend and getting drunk off too much wine with my pals. Seeing families and kids celebrating in the wake of such depressing and destructive time was a blessed break from the world. I am so grateful for this.
I also attended the queer and trans march for Palestine in San Francisco. It was great to see the community showing up and taking care of each other with snacks, water, masks and the march was also in opposition to the corporate pride parade and corporations related to Israeli funding which felt good not to go to.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about seasons and how that determined my mood and marked time back on the East Coast. The Bay Area seems to oscillate gently between gorgeous weather (think sunny and 75, a light breeze) and less-gorgeous weather (cloudy, 65). I’m not saying I miss the snow or extreme heat but it helped mark time and let my body know when to rest. This sparked a lil memory/ nostalgia:
I’m listening to Gravesclothes by Birdtalker and I’m transported back to 2019, perched on my front porch in DC. A cup of coffee, my purple yoga mat and an unopened text book on gender and society at my feet. My roommate and dear friend Caro next to me, just returned from a run. We’re sticky from the humidity, our foreheads painted in sweat. The birds are chirping and deer mosquitos already swarming and it’s 7am and I think things might be okay. Class is in an hour and I’m already going to be late and I can feel that anxiety in the deep pit of my stomach today. But what I would give to be back on that porch in the cruel summer humidity and ignorance of what’s the come (so so much).
Anthology
My hilarious, brilliant gay friend
published a pride anthology and I had the pleasure of contributing. The prompt was ‘the gayest thing about me’ and I when I tend to meet someone new or exciting it’s easy for my mind to jump a billion steps into the (possible? nevergonnahappen?) future. I hope you enjoy and read everyone’s piece! Mine is below.art by ! you can purchase her prints here.
How I met your mother.
“Oh, so they’re a Dyke About Town?” you tuck a strand of dark hair behind your ear, smiling coyly into your glass of champagne. I recognize you in passing at the DuPont farmers market and again at the Queers In Media event. You were one of the panelists and spoke about directing your debut film. With those striking green eyes and jawline it was impossible to look away. I hung onto every word. Now, at Cessily’s dinner party we meet again and I notice your freckles and dimples when you smile. The room is buzzing, a cozy embrace and holiday lights dance around the room.
My mind wanders to all the places we have yet to go.
What’s your favorite thing about yourself and how do you like your eggs in the morning? Do you believe in ghosts? What’s something you wish more people knew more about you? Do you want kids and if so how many and oh gosh, I don’t know if I want them either and do you call your parents often and how old were you when you had your first kiss and do you like ice cream– god i hope so– and are you an early bird or night owl, me too me too, i hope you’re a dog lover and where’s the coolest place you’ve ever hiked and do you ever dream about van life or retiring on a farm or by the ocean side– by the way i love your pant suit– and what picks you up when you’re feeling down and what’s the last book you read that took your breath away and how old were you when you came out? and isn’t it crazy how gender is just a performance and we’re all just out here just trying to be seen and loved? and and and --
“Yes, I’m Catie,” I grin.
In other news
I also quit my desk job! And I don’t know what I’m doing next! Which brings up so many feelings of relief, anxiety, hope and freeze. The past 6 months I’ve felt So Stable Mentally and Emotionally yadaya yaya and also so stuck creatively. My ADHD has felt so goooood and yet . . . I still feel the need to Keep Moving. There are so many things I want to accomplish in this life time and yet it all feels do-able? Like run my own business, writing retreat farm, graphic design, non-profit, publish my novel, sell some dog portraits, etc. My good (hot, brilliant, etc.) friend
is an excellent example of how we can wear so many hats!I think my worst fear from quitting might be that I’m unable to write anything, or finish my novel with my newfound free time. A 9-5 sucks but so does unstructured time and unaccountability. So friends, I am telling you this: I aim to finish the first draft of my queer novel by December 31, 2024. No matter how polished or unedited it may be. Yeeeeep!
Things I’m Really Into Lately:
My french press (the tip is to grind the coffee beans right before you make it. It tastes so much fresher than already-ground coffee!) I miss my espresso machine daily.
Two Dykes and a Mic and Shannon Beverge’s podcast: Exes and Oh’s
Homemade smoothie bowls (mine is frozen strawberries, blueberries and raspberries with a banana, oatmilk, acai packet from TJ, topped with granola, coconut and chocolate chip). YUM.
Only drinking likeeee once a week. There was a time in DC (2022, exactly) when I went out drinking 4 times a week and let me tell you not doing that does wonders for the body. Maybe one day I’ll be completely sober but that’s for another day.
Keeping my phone on DND and texting people back months later. I’m just….so sorry at this point.
My computer keeps me humble. Overall, June took it’s timeee and I’m looking forwards to the long days of July. Sending everyone peaceful and maybe some fun chaotic vibes!!
over & out,
catie
p.s. I added graphics to my newsletters— do you like? I think I’m still working on branding but I like off-white and dark blue together. Tell me what you think!
FIRST DRAFT OF THE QUEER NOVEL BY END OF THE YEAR LETS GOOOOO
I can’t wait for the writing retreat farm